The meditation that sparked the realisation.
This morning, during my meditation, I randomly picked a guided session on my app. It was about failure. That got me thinking I’m not even aware that I have a fear of failure.
Then another thought followed: Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m too old to fail—that there’s no more room for mistakes. I also find it too embarrassing to fail.
And just like that, my negative self-talk chimed in: Are you dumb?
That stopped me in my tracks. Where the hell did that come from?
Does this ever happen to you? You fail at something, and instead of moving on, you beat yourself up even more? Why do we do that?
Unpacking the Fear of Failure
As I reflected deeper, I realized it’s not failure itself that scares me—it’s the fear of fear. I never thought of myself as someone afraid of everything, yet looking back, I see that fear has been present in so many areas of my life.
I don’t consciously think about failure, but when I examine my actions, I see that fear drives them. For example, I overthink. I get lost in endless what-ifs until I feel paralyzed.
Even writing this blog—I have so much to say, yet my mind is flooded with doubts:
“What if this isn’t interesting enough?”
“What if no one bothers to read it?”
And just like that, I hesitate. I hold back.
The other day, I was reading an amazing book, and suddenly, I found myself restless—shifting in my seat, opening random apps, standing up for no reason. I had just absorbed something powerful, yet my body resisted the realization. Why? Because fear was kicking in. Subtly. Almost unnoticed. Self-sabotage at its finest.
How Fear Shows Up in Subtle Ways
Fear is a master of disguise. It sneaks into our lives so effortlessly that we barely notice. Here’s how it often shows up:
1. Waiting for the “Right” Time
You keep delaying that big move, telling yourself you’re waiting for the perfect moment. In reality, there’s no perfect time—fear is just making you stall.
2. Overthinking Every Decision
You analyze and second-guess everything, convinced you need just one more piece of information before acting. Truth? Overthinking is fear keeping you in a loop of inaction.
3. Being Busy but Not Progressing
You fill your time with tasks—watching videos, reading self-help books, planning endlessly—but none of them actually move you forward. It’s just another way of avoiding what truly matters.
4. Perfectionism That Keeps You From Finishing
You never launch that project because it’s not good enough yet. You tweak, refine, and edit endlessly. But in reality, perfectionism is just fear in disguise.
5. Seeking Constant Approval
You can’t make a decision without validation from others. You over-explain, afraid of judgment. Fear of disapproval makes you dependent on external approval. (I’m guilty of this one. I always feel the need to explain myself.)
6. Always Taking the Safe Route
You avoid risks—even small ones—because uncertainty feels terrifying. But real growth happens outside of your comfort zone, not inside it.
7. Self-Sabotaging Right Before Success
You’re doing well, then suddenly, you start missing deadlines, making excuses, losing focus. You create unnecessary obstacles for yourself. Fear of success can be just as paralyzing as fear of failure.
8. Feeling Stuck but Not Taking Action
You know you want something different, yet you keep saying, I don’t know what to do. You complain about your situation, but never take real steps to change it.
9. Avoiding Conflict or Hard Conversations
You stay silent instead of speaking up. You let people take advantage of you because confrontation feels uncomfortable. Fear of rejection makes you suppress your needs.
10. Rationalizing Why You Can’t Do Something
You always have a “logical” reason why you can’t chase a goal:
I don’t have time. I’m too old. I’m not experienced enough.
But most of the time, these are just fear-based excuses wrapped in logic.
Where Does This Fear Come From?
Fear has always been part of survival. Back in the hunting age, fear kept us alive. Later, it was war. Today, it’s the fear of rejection, the unknown, missing out. It’s evolved into something far more complex—something society reinforces in us.
We grew up hearing warnings like:
“If you don’t do this, something bad will happen.”
In my country, we even have urban legends—stories of aswang and manananggal—created just to keep people indoors at night.
Fear today isn’t just about survival—it’s often self-inflicted, self-limiting. It feels more familiar than courage.
How Do We Move Forward?
It’s amazing how failure is deeply rooted in something we don’t even realize controls us: fear. Now that I see it, how do I move forward?
1. Acknowledge Fear Without Judgment
Instead of resisting fear, observe it. When you feel hesitation or self-sabotage creeping in, pause and say:
“I see you. I know you’re trying to protect me.”
That simple acknowledgment breaks fear’s automatic control over you.
2. Reframe Failure as Feedback
Failure isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s just information. Instead of saying, “I failed, I must be dumb,” shift to:
“What is this failure trying to teach me?”
If you extract the lesson, it was never really a failure.
3. Act Before Fear Takes Over
Fear is strongest right before you take action. If you wait too long, your mind will find a hundred reasons to stop you. The key? Act fast.
Have an idea? Write it down immediately.
Want to start something? Take the first step now, even if it’s small.
Feel hesitation? Count to three and move before fear stops you.
4. Interrupt Fear-Based Avoidance
Ever notice how you get distracted the moment you’re excited about something? That’s fear trying to create distance between you and the unknown.
Next time it happens, stay still. Breathe. Remind yourself:
“This is just fear trying to keep me safe, but I am safe.” Then return to what you were doing.
5. Redefine What It Means to Be “Too Old to Fail”
Who told you failure has an age limit? Society? Fear?
Colonel Sanders was 62 when he franchised KFC.
Vera Wang was 40 when she designed her first dress.
Stan Lee was 39 when he created his first comic book.
Morgan Freeman got his big break at 50.
Failure doesn’t care about age—and neither does success. Persistence is what matters.
6. Make Fear Work for You
Fear is just energy. Instead of letting it paralyze you, redirect it.
Scared of failure? Use that fear to prepare better.
Scared of rejection? Use that fear to improve your skills.
Scared of regret? Use that fear to take action now.
7. Build the Habit of Courage
Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s the decision to move forward despite it.
Start small. Face tiny fears daily. Speak up even when your voice shakes. Take action even if you don’t feel ready.
See fear as a sign that you’re growing—not as a reason to stop.
Final Thought
Fear won’t disappear overnight. But the more you recognize it, the less power it has over you.
So, what’s one small action you can take today—before fear stops you?
MindfulMillionaire 